Things Im gonna do to keep busy (because thats important, and Im sure as hell not busy enough):

Tripod, all cams, watercolors: moved to Faith. Get some paint on a canvas. Enough with the computers already.

Ok, more computers: Debian linux installed on rackmount server for faith

Class enrolled at OCC

Oh, and while we are on the subject of the Big Goddamn List:

Faith Projects
Mast boots done
Head faucet adapter
Haul out scheduled done
Title/Mooring plan done

Personal Projects
Project Healthy & Project No completed done
Auto brake lights, oil change, tune up done

Hobby Projects
Antennas on mast
Weather gear on mast

I live on a boat. I had some friends over last weekend, one of which remarked "I feel like Im dreaming...". I started to laugh, as I thought he was kidding. But he was not. Im kind of used to gently rocking back and forth on the water in this floating wooden thing. Every once in a while Im reminded that its an unusal place to live. In many ways it is pretty surreal. But I've been at it for awhile now, so what was once surreal is just, um... real.

The sea lions are really loud tonight. I guess they are feeling somewhat amorous. Several of them have gathered on someones running board and are calling out (loudly) into the night. Its straight out of Star Wars. They even look like Jabba in many regards. I'll see if I cant record them somehow and post an audio file.

Most of my time these days is spent thinking of a certain young lady who will remain nameless. I'm pretty much having to reinvent.. no, rediscover who I am. Two personalities (after having grown so closely together) ... now having been severed.. well, Im just not feeling exactly whole right now. Or intact. Im, um... wounded. Fucking cut in two, really...

Im not gonna reduce it to some psycho babble, as I couldn't even if I wanted to. I miss her more than I've ever missed anything or anyone ever before. I keep repeating to myself that I did this for all the right reasons.

Sometimes I believe it.

I live on a boat, and am there now actually. Im gently rocking back and forth. Its 10:51 pm and as I look out the port hole, the lights from the houses ashore are refracted into patterns of mathematical genius on the water. I see these patterns, and I see how they change as the tide is rushing out, and I know that I could never comphrehend the angles and equations that define the interactions of those ripples bouncing off one another.

Last weekend, while sailing back from Catalina I watched the bow of Faith rise and fall into each passing wave. The bow would crash into the water as we rode down each wave; as we broke the surface it would send up a tumultuos foam of spray and current... math, and reason and perfection and thousands of bubbles mixing into the water. Within a second we had sailed past them and they were gone, already we were riding up the next wave. I could never count that high. I could never do the math... I could never understand it.

Somehow knowing that allows me to know that their is a God.